A*F*B

No, I'm not talking Air Force Base.

I'm talking Away From Blog.

I'm taking a break from blogging to get my head on straight and listen to God. I have no idea how long it will last. I will continue my 1st & 15th scripture memory posts because that is a committment I have made to myself and God. Other than that, I'll be "seeing" you when I've heard what it is the Lord is trying to say to me.

1st & 15th ~ God Knows Me

I'm going to be working on Psalm 139 for the next two "sessions." It feels kind of like cheating, since I have bits and pieces of it memorized already, but that's partly why I'm taking on 12 verses at a time.

Psalm 139:1-12

O LORD, you have searched me and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.
You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.
Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely, O LORD.
You hem me in —behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me.
Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.
Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?
If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea,
even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,"
even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

I need a real challenge. Well, and a better attitude too.

Why did I choose these verses?

Honestly, I didn't. I was at a loss to find verses that resonate that I haven't already memorized so I turned to my ever-helpful-and-oh-so-wonderful pastor (shameless flattery, I know). Psalm 139 was one of his many suggestions, along with Psalm 119. Do you have any idea how LONG that psalm is?

Anyway, before you think I'm not following the rules, this passage very much DOES apply to me and to where I am right now. I need to be reminded that I serve a God who knows and loves me.

I particularly like verse 5 "You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand on me." There is something really... comforting in knowing that I am "hemmed in" by God. Something SAFE.

And my ABBA knows me.

When I'm fighting back tears - He knows.
When I want to punch something - He knows.
When I feel swallowed by despair - He knows.
When I put on one face to greet the world while another me hides away - He knows.

I can't hide any of it from Him, no matter how hard I try.
I think I like that.

The "L" Word

In a little over a month, I'm supposed to do a quick talk on love at a women's breakfast. Love. Me?

I mean, c'mon. I have to talk about love on VALENTINE'S DAY. Me. Me?? Umm, have you seen my life lately?

And anyway, isn't it all just a little bit overdone? Valentines-schmalentines. Even God's prescription for love in 1 Corinthians 13 is practically a cliche at this time of year.

Love.

BAH! Humbug.

How quickly I forget that love is so much more than chocolates and conversation hearts on February 14th. How quickly I forget that the living, breathing Scripture I just called "cliche" (Lord, please don't strike me down) is fleshed out EVERY DAY.

Today love walked, and talked and sat in my presence.

Love is the husband who looked at his wife of many years with a twinkle in his eye because he got to hold the hand of the most beautiful woman in the world.

Love is the Sunday School teacher who shows up every week to serve... and who doesn't want a break from teaching because the sacrifice of time is a joy, not a burden.

Love is the food collected by a "poor" church to meet the needs of the community, and love is the hands that sorted, stacked and bagged that food on a Saturday morning despite busy schedules.

Love is the pastor who bared his heart and heartache to his congregation in order to lead them to a better understanding of God and His scriptures.

Love is the mother crying silent tears for a child who has lost her way and the friend who took a moment from her own hurt to comfort someone else.

And more than anything, Love is the God who came as a man to breathe life into a lost world; who submitted Himself to the cross, who suffered unspeakable pain and who handed over His life as a ransom for our sins. Love is the crown of thorns, the rugged cross, the torn curtain and the empty tomb.

I have to talk about love. Me.

Indeed.

My first 1st & 15th ~ Find Rest

Beth Moore has challeged the Siestas to the discipline of Scripture memory in 2009. On the first and fifteenth of every month we will leave a comment on the LPM blog with the verse(s) we are choosing to memorize over the next 15 days. I've been reminded through harsh but necessary words that I have completely given up on discipline and that I have the tools I need to get through the rough spots if I would just use them.
So on the 1st & 15th (and I'm asking you to hold me accountable to this) I will be posting those verses here as well, along with my thoughts on the Scripture at hand.

So... without further ado: Psalm 62:5-7

Find rest, O my soul, in God alone;
my hope comes from Him.
He alone is my rock and my salvation;
He is my fortress. I will not be shaken.
My salvation and my honor depend on God;
He is my mighty rock, my refuge.

I was originally drawn to the first part of this Psalm from a hymn we sing in church. And then, as I read, I realized the latter part of the Psalm was more appropriate for me.

I am not at rest and it would be less than honest to say "My soul finds rest in God alone."

So for now, I am pleading with my soul to find that rest, and I am trusting that when I do, I will be secure. I will not be shaken.

I think security is going to be my theme for a while, but we will see where God leads me.

There is so much in these three verses that speaks to my heart: rest, security, hope, refuge... and honor. Especially honor.

I'll admit it, I have some very old fashioned views on honor.

I have spent a lot of the last few years feeling dishonored - shamed and disgraced, soiled and dirtied - by my past, specifically by what was done in my marriage. I believe(d?) it somehow marked me as something less than everyone else; and that there was some inherant flaw in the very essence of who I am. I carry this label - "battered wife" - and others I consider even more shameful, as if they were somehow my scarlet letter.

But this verse tells me that my honor is found in God.

It is not found in my past, or even my present, nor is it found in my future in this life. It is not found in what I do or what I do not do. It is not found in what has been done by human hands or what will be. My honor is found in the claim the King of the Universe has made on my soul.

There's freedom in that. And rest.