I am a cutter.
By that, I do not mean that I take people's place in line, nor do I mean I employ scissors or fancy gizmos in some crafting extravaganza.
I am a cutter. An addict.
I am addicted to what is otherwise known as Self-Injurious Behavior. When I am unable or unwilling to cope with emotional upheaval in my life, or when I've torn myself down to a place of complete self-loathing I pull out a utility knife, razor blade or some other sharp implement and carve my pain into my skin.
I've hidden this reality from nearly every person in my life for almost 20 years - not easy to do when you are covered in scars. My ex-husband was blissfully ignorant and never noticed. I can count the number of people who know on one hand and have fingers left over.
It has been months (it may not seem like much, but there was a time when a week between cutting was a major accomplishment) and I would like to believe that through God's grace I have finally been freed from this bloody addiction. I know that He can free me and I am confident in His changing power. I am not, however, confident in my trust in that power. The only limits on God's ability to change my life are those I put on Him.
I am praying for lasting healing... would you pray with me too?
