30 Days of Thanksgiving

At the beginning of the month I answered a Facebook challenge to post something in my status that I am thankful for every day during November. Here's my list - the italicized bits are further editorial. =)

*I am thankful for a church home where I'm loved and prayed for. I am truly blessed to have found a family, dysfunctional as it may sometimes be.
*I am thankful for the end of daylight savings time so my children don't have to wait for the bus in the dark!
*I am thankful for second (70x7th) chances... I seem to need a lot of them.
*I am thankful for lunch with friends. For longer than I care to remember, I didn't have anyone I could sit with over coffee. It's amazing.
*I am thankful I can make a difference at work even when it is very very hard. And it is very, VERY hard. I'm looking for a new job even though the thought kills me.
*I am thankful for children who woke up, got themselves ready and went off to the bus stop without a single argument, whine or complaint!! (Who are they and what did they do with my children??)
*I am thankful for excellent and amazing co-workers. I work with an awesome team of people!!!!!
*I am thankful for the freedom (dare I say luxury?) to come together with fellow Christians and worship my God when I want, where I want and how I want!
*I am thankful Sarah got her cast off today! November 9th. WOOT!!!
*I am thankful for 15 more minutes to still get today's "thankfulness" in... but seriously, *I'm thankful for unexpected friendship.
*I am thankful for those who lay their lives on the line to protect the freedom we too often take for granted.
*I am thankful for hard things... can't explain it, but it's true.
*I am thankful for people who tell the truth no matter how hard it is to hear.
*I am thankful for the opportunity to speak at the HeartStrings breakfast! I was blessed to be asked and I hope God used what I shared as a blessing.
*I am thankful for the ability to give to others.
*I am thankful David is starting to squeal a little less on his violin!! He has been begging to play for years and he was so excited to find out that 5th graders could do orchestra. I am excited for the day it actually sounds like a violin. =)
*I am thankful for reprieves... even temporary ones.
*I am thankful for children who are learning to make good choices despite the circumstances.
*I am thankful for the many cultural opportunities at work. Going to another Native American Sweat today.
*I am thankful for distractions.
*I am thankful for people who tell me I deserve better.
*I am thankful that the big branch that hit the house last night missed the skylight. We had a nasty storm that night with downed trees and powerlines all over the area.
*I am thankful that Sarah's friend Daphne should be coming home today. She had H1N1 and was in the hospital for over a week.
*I am thankful for migraine meds... especially when the migraines come out of the blue like a ton of bricks. Over the last month I've maxed out on my "do not take for more than three days in a row" migraine medication 5 times. Fun.
*I am thankful that it hasn't gotten hard to find something to be thankful for... until today. Urg. Seriously though, I'm thankful for quiet time at home.
*I am thankful for family, friends and the simple fact that I may not get called in to work today after all. Woot. I almost had to work on Thanksgiving despite asking for it off three months ago and it was my year to have the kids.
*I am thankful that apple cider vinegar tablets and Airborne seem to be kicking the cold I am NOT getting. =)
*I am thankful that things weren't as bad as they could have been. My
children saw something they shouldn't have to see but it could have been much, MUCH worse.
*I am thankful for Thanksgiving leftovers - the ultimate comfort food.
*I am thankful for friendship that sticks through the good, the bad and the absolutely hilarious. =)

So... that's it in a nutshell. I have a lot to be thankful for - my life is filled with lots of blessings... I just needed 30 or so reminders.

What are you thankful for?

Waiting on the Harvest

Right around this time every year my family would start my favorite (sometimes) fall ritual. Out came the huge enamel stock pots (you know, the black and white speckled ones), the canning supplies and all the fruits and vegetables from our garden that had been stored in the basement.

For weeks the house would be filled with the sweet and savory scents of homemade canned vegetables, applesauce, jams and jellies, chili base, spaghetti sauce and sauerkraut (the part that was NOT my favorite - ICK!). The kitchen was full of heat and steam and spices while the basement pantry would fill with rows and rows of shiny glass jars - some purchased, some recycled - that proudly displayed the results of a season of hard work and patience.

Ah, patience.

When I'd pester him about when this plant or that would be ready, my dad would tell me, "It'll be ready when it's ready - in it's own time." I used to sit outside in the branches of one of the apple trees overlooking the garden thinking, "grow, grow, grow!" I'd wander through the garden in late July disappointed that the tomatoes were still green. I'd pick an apple and take a bite then throw it across the yard in disgust because it was awful and bitter.

Too often I approach life the same way - "when will it be ready God?" and "hurry up and grow!" and "I want it now!" And time and time again, when I take things into my own hands and rush what God has planned for me, it turns out awful and bitter.

Things come in their own time.

Ecclesiastes 3 tells us everything is made beautiful in it's time. Lamentations 3 tells us it is good to wait patiently for the Lord. 2 Peter tells us that God's time is not our own.

With all of the chaos and uncertainty and frustrations and disappointments that have filled my life lately, I've spent a lot of time asking God when He's going to hurry up and do whatever it is He's doing so I can get on with my life.

But what if my life is the waiting?

"The journey's the thing.*" We've all heard something along those lines (much to my annoyance, it keeps coming up!) - almost cliche isn't it? Well. Perhaps it's cliche because it's also the truth.

Something beautiful and precious came from all those long hours, and long months, of planting, watering, waiting, harvesting and canning: Food that had no store-bought rival and lasted long past the time the vines and bushes withered. A tradition that built our family. Memories. Life lessons. Truth.

Something beautiful and precious will come from all of life's long hours, long months and long years... it's the pressing on without knowing that makes the end result a blessing. I'm hoping I learn that lesson sooner, rather than later... but maybe that's another something I just have to wait for.

For in this hope we were saved. Now hope that is seen is not hope. For who hopes for what he sees? But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.. Romans 8:24,25&28

*Homer, The Odyssey

Again

Well. I'm back. Miss me?

I'd like to be able to say I'm returning to the blog because I'm on a spiritual high - that I met with God in a powerful mountain-top experience that has left me feeling completely recharged and full of the Spirit. Wouldn't that be nice?

Maybe.

I'm not a fan of mountain-top experiences. I've had many of them - but they never last. Maybe it's through my own failings rather than the fault of the experience, but I always come crashing back to earth. And let me tell you, the let-down is awful. Maybe it shouldn't be that way. Maybe, if I just had more faith I could maintain that bliss forever.

Maybe.
But not today.

Because I'm not coming back to the blog on a spiritual high. I'm coming back on my knees... where I should have been all along.

Over the last three months I've jumped head-long into disaster. It didn't "just happen," it wasn't a "mistake" - it was deliberate. I can make all the excuses in the world, but I knew what I was doing was wrong and I did it anyway... is there any truer description for sin?

I stopped reaching for God... but He never stopped reaching for me.

So here I am on my knees - tired, broken and very, very sad. But I'm ok. I can't stand right now, but I can't fall either. Not a bad place to be.

I think I'm going to stay here a while.

Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
Only surrender will help you now
The floodgates are breaking and pouring out
Here you are down on your knees again
Trying to find air to breathe again
Right where I want you to be again
I love you please see and believe again
~FlyLeaf, Again