1st & 15th - Hard Things

Someone really wise once told me that I can do hard things. I didn't want to believe him.

I hate hard things.

But life is full of hard things, and it is the hard things that prove that God really can make the impossible possible.

If everything was easy, would you know you need God?

I'm not sure I would. When things are going well for me, it is easy for me to forget that the only way I got to "well" was through God's active involvement in my life. So I go right on back to doing things on my own... which leads to "not well" rather quickly.

Sometimes I think that I will forever be blessed with hard things because I am so insistent that I can do it on my own and God will always have to remind me that I can't.

My passage for this round is from Acts, and it is a reminder to me that God doesn't need me, but I will forever need Him.

Acts 17:24-28 (NIV)

24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being.' As some of your own poets have said, 'We are his offspring.'

Offspring... interesting word, isn't it? =) Hmm... I'll ruminate on the etymology some other time... and perhaps spare you.

Anyway, for those who have been praying for my pastor - he's doing well and may be able to go home sooner than expected. Thanks for your prayers.

Why Prayer?

It's interesting how this question has popped up in a number of places for me lately.
For instance, MckMama wrote an amazingly insightful post about the reason we pray to a sovereign God, I've been stewing about a post of my own on prayer for a few weeks and next week's sermon at my church was slated to be "Why Pray? (God knows everything anyway!)"

Only, next Sunday my pastor won't be preaching a sermon on prayer. He won't be preaching at all.

Yesterday he went in for a routine procedure and by the end of the day was in surgery for eight hours. He is now in the ICU with weeks of recovery ahead of him.

God knows everything anyway, indeed.

I don't know if I've mentioned on this blog how much my pastor and his wife mean to me. Maybe I have, but I promise you, words aren't enough to express what God has done in my life through their love and involvement. They really matter... and for some reason I can't begin to understand, they've made me family.

And my kids? Pastor M. is their hero. They adore him, and he's done more than I could have ever hoped to heal their hearts.

Throughout those hours of surgery, there was a real possibility that God could take him home... and it broke my heart. But the group of us who held vigil in the surgical waiting room prayed off and on through the night to our Sovereign God for healing, for peace, for His will and His glory. (And yes, your prayers are coveted too).

But why?

Why do we get down on our knees and pray for this chapter when God already has the whole book written?

The answer I have today is different from the one I would have written a couple weeks ago. Sure, my previous answer was Biblically and theologically sound. I did my research, and I probably would have done an adequate job of explaining why Christians do and should pray.

But it wouldn't have answered the question for ME.

Why do I pray?

I used to pray because I thought I could beg/whine/cry/complain my way into MY will be done. Of course I was wrong. My will was rarely done, and on those few times when it was, it was rarely as satisfying as I expected it to be.

And for a long and empty period in my life, I stopped praying because I believed it didn't matter anyway.

The simple truth is, prayer doesn't change God's heart, it changes ours.

Prayer changes our hearts toward the people we pray with - I've yet to be able to hold a grudge against someone with whom I've prayed for a common purpose. Prayer changes our hearts toward ministry opportunities we might have otherwise missed. Prayer changes our hearts toward the world around us - when we talk to God, we begin to see the lost through His eyes instead of our own.

But most importantly, prayer changes our heart toward God.

Last night I was angry and I was sad and I was scared. Someone I loved very much was suffering, perhaps dying, and the woman who has loved him for the last 25 years had to sit helplessly by and wait. It HURT.

Heaven help me, it hurt.

It still hurts. My dad was in the same hospital four and a half years ago when they told us he had only days left. Yes, my mind went there, and yes, I made the comparison.

I had three choices last night:

1. Stew in my misery - after all, God already knows everything anyway. What's the point?
2. Demand MY will - I want what I want and I want it NOW.
3. Give it up to God - He is Sovereign and I can trust Him.

I. Can. Trust. Him.

That's how our hearts change. This is why we pray. We hurt - we're angry and sad and afraid (and we want what we want) - but we take those things to God and we say "here! This is what I am. This is how I feel. This is what I want. Take all these messy feelings and desires and do Your best with them. I trust You."

I trust Him.

The Spirit showed up... and she wore purple.

I promised I would write about the Beth Moore conference here in Portland, but as much as I admire the woman, it wasn't her voice or her words that I remember most.

Don't get me wrong. The message was AMAZING. (And I will write about it, just not today).

But the Spirit as intercessor showed up, not in one of Beth's fabulous outfits, but in a nameless sister who wrapped her arms around me, prayed my heart's cry and wore purple.

I was having a rough, rough weekend. Details aren't really important, but let me say that God made Himself known, even in the midst of a storm. Without intending to, I wound up at yet another Living Proof Live event completely alone - only not. Never alone.

As the invitational time came around, I found myself struggling. I needed to pray. I wanted to pray... but there were no words. I wandered, and paced back and forth, considering going to pray with one of the volunteers at the front of the auditorium... but didn't. Couldn't. What would I say?

I sat back down in my seat. Helpless. Hopeless. I'm so rarely at a loss for words, but all I could cry was God! My God! I sat with my head buried in my hands, bereft, unable to do anything but groan.

But.... BUT!

Romans 8:26 ~ In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not
know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with
groans that words cannot express.

Then I heard a soft voice, and felt a gentle arm wrap around me. "Can I pray for you?" I nodded.
And the Spirit showed up.

This woman, who's name I never learned and whose face I never saw, prayed all the words my heart cried but my voice could not. Specific. Pointed. Desperate. Painful. It was my heart's cry, coming from someone else's mouth. It was my needs, my hurts, my fears, my struggles pouring out in ways I was unable to express.

How could she know to pray over the scars on my flesh that masked the wounds to my spirit? My arms were covered... she couldn't see. How could she know to pray I could forgive - once and for all - the man who broke so many promises while breaking bones and skin and heart? How could she know to pray for nightmares and desperate plans and for a real and tangible reminder that my life has purpose and God is not finished with me yet?

How could she know?

Because the Spirit showed up, and Christ, formed in this sister in faith, reached out His arms to me and offered me comfort, and hope, and words for my groaning.

And wore purple.

Move me... to come.

There's just something about the old hymns.

I absolutely love contemporary worship music. My preference is definitely for a modern worship style... and a lot of today's praise and worship music has a great message (though yes, some of it is repetitive and campy and far too feel-good rather than authentic. No, I'm not looking to debate that).

But those hymns... they come out swinging. Set them to a more modern accompaniment and... WOW.

This past weekend I ended up (providentially, though it seemed by accident) at the Living Proof Live (Beth Moore) event here in Portland. I will have a LOT more to write about that later...

Travis Cottrell and his worship team was used by God to bring thousands of women straight to the Throne of grace. One song in particular hit a number of particularly sore spots with me.

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r.

Refrain:I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms!

Do you have any idea how poor and needy I'm feeling right now?
I know that the song is meant to be an invitation to come to salvation. And I also know that my place with God is secure.

BUT.

Sometimes we still need to come to Jesus to be saved from ourselves or our current circumstances or our stupid choices - even after we've accepted the free gift of God's grace. Sometimes, even though He's already saved our souls, we need Him to step in and save our witness.

I desperately need that kind of salvation right now. I need to know that my God still loves me anyway and that He's waiting to take me into His arms.

Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.

Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.

Oh ouch. How many times have I said, "when I'm feeling better about myself I'll get back into Bible study" or "I'm too messed up right now to serve or study or even speak to God, I'll do it later" or even... "I'm not ready to give this sin up yet, but when I do, THEN I'll start talking to God again." Ha.

Later never comes does it? "Feeling better" and overcoming sin never comes before getting into the Word and going to Him in prayer.

And isn't it amazing that we DON'T have to be fit to stand before God? That we don't have to bring anything to Him other than our willingness to admit we need Him to make us worthy to be called children of the Most High? Because JESUS makes us fit.

And... sometimes we say, "I don't deserve this. You don't know what You're doing forgiving me Lord." But God says that HE determines our worth, and while we don't deserve what He has given us, He gave it without reservation.

Good song. Good worship. Good conference.
More to come!

(You can hear the worship team's arrangement here, just scroll down and click on the song title Windows Media Player - or whatever your default player happens to be - will pop up and play the song).

1st & 15th - Fear and Freedom

Normally I wouldn't use the same verse as Beth Moore, but I read it this morning and it hammered me in the gut. I added a verse to the beginning and end because they also resonated. I don't have a lot of words today... the verses can speak for themselves.

Psalm 118:4-8 (New International Version)

4 Let those who fear the LORD say:
"His love endures forever."
5 In my anguish I cried to the LORD,
and he answered by setting me free.
6 The LORD is with me; I will not be afraid.
What can man do to me?
7 The LORD is with me; he is my helper.
I will look in triumph on my enemies.
8 It is better to take refuge in the LORD
than to trust in man.

And all the universe waits...

Can you imagine what it was like in heaven on this Sabbath day some two thousand years ago? The sense of anticipation... the held breath of the cosmos... The pregnant pause... the labor pains of Life Eternal... building, growing, deepening until it could burst forth in glorious day.

Tick tock. Waiting.

Ever wonder if the angels were looking at their proverbial watches and thinking "c'mon! c'mon already!" as the seconds ticked by? They had to have been the longest seconds in eternity. Did they get impatient? Or was it a thrill?

Tick tock. Waiting.

Those pesky demons were probably jumping around in jubilation. "He's dead! We won! We WON!!" Little did they know... I wonder if they felt the hand of God hovering? I wonder if they knew they signed their own end? I wonder if they felt Heaven's joyous anticipation as their own impending doom? Probably not. They thought they knew the end already.

Tick tock. Waiting.

Most of us don't like waiting. I certainly don't. Maybe that's because we're short-sighted. All we can see is what we don't have right-here-and-now. We don't see the morning coming. Maybe because we aren't looking for it.

The disciples didn't. The women who came to tend to Jesus' body didn't. Even though they'd been told, they didn't know that they were front-row witnesses to the redemption of human existence. The sun was rising... but they weren't waiting for the SON to RISE.

Perhaps the waiting is just as important as what comes after. Perhaps in the waiting we learn how truly precious the morning is. As Christians, our end is written. Our joy is coming. Perhaps what really matters is what we do with the waiting.

"Crying may last for the night, but JOY comes in the morning."
Wait for it.

A Gross Post and a GOOD Friday

Gross as in 144th - 12x12.

When I was younger I used to wonder how it could possibly be called "Good" Friday. To me, the day of Jesus' death was the darkest day in the history of man - a tragedy to be mourned. We crucified our Savior. What's to celebrate? What's "Good" about that?

But it is all a matter of perspective, isn't it?

In the beginning, when God looked on what He had created, including us He said, "it is good." He saw all of our history laid out before Him - the first sin of Adam and Eve and the innumerable sins since - and He still called it GOOD.

Makes me think.

When God calls something good it is because He can see the glory in it. He sees the beginning and the end and all of the steps it takes to get from one to the other... and even the most wretched sinner mired in the filthiest muck is good when God sees that wretch redeemed.

We tend to see the NOW and the evil in it, God sees eternity and what that evil can become.

It wasn't evil that put the crown of thorns on Jesus' head or hammered in the nails in His hands and feet. It wasn't evil that held the hands to the whips that tore the flesh from His back. Our evil may have made it necessary for Jesus to go to the cross, but it wasn't evil that kept Him there.

My Jesus was not murdered. Satan did not win even a sliver of victory. There was no moment where evil triumphed. Evil never can. It never will... because God said, "it is good." The end of evil was written before time began.

In the beginning, God looked down from heaven to see the beaten and broken ruin of His Son and said... it is GOOD.

And it is.

Good Friday is GOOD, not despite what was done to the Son of Man on that cross, but because of it.

1st & 15th ~ Faith and Foolishness

Yes, I know I'm almost a week late... and, umm... long time - no blog, eh?
This time I've chosen a passage about wisdom and folly... and faith.

1 Corinthians 1:18-29 (ESV)

18 For the word of the cross is folly to those who are perishing, but to us
who are being saved it is the power of God. 19For it is written,
"I will destroy the wisdom of the wise,
and the discernment of the discerning I will thwart."
20 Where is the one who is wise? Where is the scribe? Where is the debater of this age? Has not God made foolish the wisdom of the world? 21For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. 22For Jews demand signs and Greeks
seek wisdom, 23but we preach Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and
folly to Gentiles, 24but to those who are called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ
the power of God and the wisdom of God. 25For the foolishness of God is wiser
than men, and the weakness of God is stronger than men.
26For consider your calling, brothers: not many of you were wise according to worldly standards, not many were powerful, not many were of noble birth. 27But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; 28God chose what is low and despised in the world,
even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, 29so that no
human being might boast in the presence of God.

I have always been a practical person. Give me the bottom line in facts and figures and I can plan for anything. Unfortunatly, in my pragmatic little world, I haven't left a lot of room for faith.

What I mean is, leaps of faith are not my forte.

How do you know when you are making an impractical decision that is based on faith rather than foolishness? How do you know when that leap you are making is going to land you safe in the arms of God rather than shattered in emotional/physical/financial ruin? How do you know it is what God wants and not just what you want?

Scripture, specifically the passage I've chosen to memorize, tells us that the world will see God's ways as foolish - to the world, leaps of faith will always be folly - so I'm not asking for a worldly answer, and I'm trying not to see things through worldly lenses.

How do you KNOW God is calling you in a specific direction and will provide everything needed to make it work? How do you say, "I'm believing God will make this possible," and be certain God actually wants to make it possible. How do you know when your dreams are His dreams?