The Masquerade

"Stained Glass Masquerade"

by Casting Crowns

Is there anyone that fails?

Is there anyone that falls?

Am I the only one in church today feelin' so small?

Cause when I take a look around

Everybody seems so strong

I know they'll soon discover that I don't belong

So I tuck it all away, like everything's okay

If I make them all believe it, maybe I'll believe it too

So with a painted grin,

I play the part again

So everyone will see me the way that I see them

Are we happy plastic people?

Under shiny plastic steeples?

With walls around our weakness

And smiles to hide our pain?

But if the invitation's open

To every heart that has been broken

Maybe then we close the curtain

On our stained glass masquerade

Is there anyone who's been there

Are there any hands to raise

Am I the only one who's traded

In the altar for a stage?

The performance is convincing

And we know every line by heart

Only when no one is watching can we really fall apart

But would it set me free

If I dared to let you see

The truth behind the person

That you imagine me to be?

Would your arms be open

Or would you walk away

Would the love of Jesus

Be enough to make you stay?

I love this song. Thoughts, comments? Is this your reality?

Move me... to come.

There's just something about the old hymns.

I absolutely love contemporary worship music. My preference is definitely for a modern worship style... and a lot of today's praise and worship music has a great message (though yes, some of it is repetitive and campy and far too feel-good rather than authentic. No, I'm not looking to debate that).

But those hymns... they come out swinging. Set them to a more modern accompaniment and... WOW.

This past weekend I ended up (providentially, though it seemed by accident) at the Living Proof Live (Beth Moore) event here in Portland. I will have a LOT more to write about that later...

Travis Cottrell and his worship team was used by God to bring thousands of women straight to the Throne of grace. One song in particular hit a number of particularly sore spots with me.

Come, ye sinners, poor and needy,
Weak and wounded, sick and sore;
Jesus ready stands to save you,
Full of pity, love and pow’r.

Refrain:I will arise and go to Jesus,
He will embrace me in His arms;
In the arms of my dear Savior,
Oh, there are ten thousand charms!

Do you have any idea how poor and needy I'm feeling right now?
I know that the song is meant to be an invitation to come to salvation. And I also know that my place with God is secure.

BUT.

Sometimes we still need to come to Jesus to be saved from ourselves or our current circumstances or our stupid choices - even after we've accepted the free gift of God's grace. Sometimes, even though He's already saved our souls, we need Him to step in and save our witness.

I desperately need that kind of salvation right now. I need to know that my God still loves me anyway and that He's waiting to take me into His arms.

Come, ye thirsty, come, and welcome,
God’s free bounty glorify;
True belief and true repentance,
Every grace that brings you nigh.

Let not conscience make you linger,
Not of fitness fondly dream;
All the fitness He requireth
Is to feel your need of Him.

Come, ye weary, heavy-laden,
Lost and ruined by the fall;
If you tarry till you’re better,
You will never come at all.

Oh ouch. How many times have I said, "when I'm feeling better about myself I'll get back into Bible study" or "I'm too messed up right now to serve or study or even speak to God, I'll do it later" or even... "I'm not ready to give this sin up yet, but when I do, THEN I'll start talking to God again." Ha.

Later never comes does it? "Feeling better" and overcoming sin never comes before getting into the Word and going to Him in prayer.

And isn't it amazing that we DON'T have to be fit to stand before God? That we don't have to bring anything to Him other than our willingness to admit we need Him to make us worthy to be called children of the Most High? Because JESUS makes us fit.

And... sometimes we say, "I don't deserve this. You don't know what You're doing forgiving me Lord." But God says that HE determines our worth, and while we don't deserve what He has given us, He gave it without reservation.

Good song. Good worship. Good conference.
More to come!

(You can hear the worship team's arrangement here, just scroll down and click on the song title Windows Media Player - or whatever your default player happens to be - will pop up and play the song).

Lean On Me

There's a song my mom used to sing when I was a child that I haven't thought about for a while. It came back to me today. I don't know who wrote the song or where it came from, or even if there are any verses. But here it is:

Lean on Me
When you have no strength to stand
When you feel you're going under
Hold tighter to My hand.
Lean on Me
When your heart begins to bleed
When you look and find I'm all you have
You'll find I'm all you need.

If I have had any lesson to learn recently it is that Christ is sufficient to meet all my needs. To be honest, this is a lesson I've struggled with for most of my life.

I know that I have a lot of emotional ups and downs and I seem to be in such a funk these past few weeks. Worry really takes its toll... and it is so pointless.

It does feel, sometimes, as though I am on the verge of drowning. But at the same time, I know I am always only a whisper away from the help my Savior has to offer.

I have so much more I want to say, but the words are failing me tonight. And sitting up really really hurts (stupid shingles!).

Oh, and in about 32 hours I will be getting on a plane on my way to the Siesta Fiesta... Wow!

Look Up!

I love the song, "Praise You in This Storm" by Casting Crowns. Today I was singing it - after a stormy couple of days of my own - and I desperately wanted to find the verse that is the bridge of that song. Like so many verses, I've heard it over and over again, but I never took the time to find out where it was from.

Today I did.

Psalm 121
I lift up my eyes to the hills— where does my help come from?
My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.
He will not let your foot slip— he who watches over you will not slumber;
indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.
The LORD watches over you—the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.
The LORD will keep you from all harm —he will watch over your life;
the LORD will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.

As I've battled over the last decade with this depression "thing," I've spent a lot of time looking away. Literally and figuratively. It has been an act of will in the last three years to make eye contact again.

And then I started thinking about my contact with God. In my spirit, most of the time, I am still looking at my feet and hiding my eyes from my Creator. I am still ashamed to approach Him. I am still afraid to see me in His eyes.

And there's the catch. When you look at someone in the eye you not only see into them, you see what they see in you. Scary stuff for me. Especially when I've said more than I meant to or someone knows more than I want them to.

But how can I see everything the Lord has to offer me if I am always looking down? How can I truly trust God if I'm not willing to lift my eyes up to look at Him?

Look up! God knows all of my dirt. He knew the path my life would take before time began. There isn't anything in me that He hasn't seen. And He loves me anyway.

Look up! The God I serve turns ashes into beauty and washes me with His blood. He looks at me and sees HIMSELF in me. His power made perfect in my weakness.

Look up! When I am walking with God I don't have to watch my step or hide in shame or worry about tomorrow. All I have to do is look up and trust Him. He doesn't get tired and He'll take care of the rest.

Carried to the Table

Another powerful song that hit me exactly where I needed it at exactly the time I needed it. I was at a Casting Crowns concert - one of the most amazing concerts I have ever experienced and the opening act sang this song that just reached into my heart and grabbed it tight. The song is Carried to the Table by Leeland. I have been moved to tears nearly every time I have heard it since... and here are the lyrics:

Wounded and forsaken
I was shattered by the fall
Broken and forgotten
Feeling lost and all alone
Summoned by the King
Into the Master’s courts
Lifted by the Savior
And cradled in His arms

I was carried to the table
Seated where I don’t belong
Carried to the table
Swept away by His love
And I don’t see my brokenness anymore
When I’m seated at the table of the Lord
I’m carried to the table
The table of the Lord

Fighting thoughts of fear
And wondering why He called my name
Am I good enough to share this cup
This world has left me lame
Even in my weakness
The Savior called my name
In His Holy presence
I’m healed and unashamed

You carried me, my God
You carried me

Amen and amen. Dear Lord, thank you for carrying me to Your table and making a place for me even though I have done nothing to deserve it.

How far....?

Today I was driving down the road on the way to class rocking out to my favorite Christian station (air1) and this song came on the radio. Before I was even consciously listening to the lyrics I had tears pouring down my face...

I struggle every day with forgiving myself for sins that God has long ago forgiven, and I struggle even more wondering (though I know better) if I'm going to screw up so badly that God will decide I'm not worth the effort after all.

I know these thoughts are false and I'm slowly getting to the point where I can rebuke them before I let them tear me apart or lead me into self-destructive behavior. Tonight I was well on my way down one of those dark spirals until this song spoke to me.

The song is East to West by Casting Crowns off their new album The Altar & The Door. You can hear it for yourself here: http://www.castingcrowns.com/main.php just hit play in the upper left corner.

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
in a sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know You’ve cast my sin as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before You now
As though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You’ve washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
but by the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me
You’re holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far
the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

Thank you Lord for Your servants who are willing to be Your hands, feet and voice and thank you for once again providing exactly what I need, when I need it. AMEN