How far....?

Today I was driving down the road on the way to class rocking out to my favorite Christian station (air1) and this song came on the radio. Before I was even consciously listening to the lyrics I had tears pouring down my face...

I struggle every day with forgiving myself for sins that God has long ago forgiven, and I struggle even more wondering (though I know better) if I'm going to screw up so badly that God will decide I'm not worth the effort after all.

I know these thoughts are false and I'm slowly getting to the point where I can rebuke them before I let them tear me apart or lead me into self-destructive behavior. Tonight I was well on my way down one of those dark spirals until this song spoke to me.

The song is East to West by Casting Crowns off their new album The Altar & The Door. You can hear it for yourself here: http://www.castingcrowns.com/main.php just hit play in the upper left corner.

Here I am Lord and I’m drowning
in a sea of forgetfulness
The chains of yesterday surround me
I yearn for peace and rest
I don’t want to end up where You found me
And it echoes in my mind
Keeps me awake tonight

I know You’ve cast my sin as far
As the East is from the West
And I stand before You now
As though I’ve never sinned
But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I start the day, the war begins
Endless reminding of my sin
And time and time again
Your truth is drowned out by the storm I’m in
Today I feel like I’m just one mistake away
From You leaving me this way

Jesus, can You show me just how far
the East is from the West?
Cause I can’t bear to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
Cause You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

I know You’ve washed me white
Turned my darkness into light
I need Your peace to get me through
To get me through this night
I can’t live by what I feel
but by the truth Your word reveals
And I’m not holding onto You
But You’re holding onto me
You’re holding onto me

Jesus, You know just how far
the East is from the West
I don't have to see the man I’ve been
Come rising up in me again
In the arms of Your mercy I find rest
You know just how far the East is from the West
From one scarred hand to the other

Thank you Lord for Your servants who are willing to be Your hands, feet and voice and thank you for once again providing exactly what I need, when I need it. AMEN