What vs. Why

Most of us, when we experience some sort of tragedy, find ourselves asking God why. Why do we deserve this? Why now? Why ME?

What if we aren't meant to have an answer?...
What if the answer lies in a different question we should be asking God?...
What if we are intended to ask, "What can I learn from this?"...
What if the life lessons we gain from difficult experiences ARE the "why"?

I have to admit, it is a near-daily struggle for me to ask God what I can learn from any given situation. I want to wallow in the self-pity, I want to demand better treatment, I want to feel as though I somehow have the right to be immune from suffering. But we don't - and shouldn't - always get what we want.

I've heard it said that God does not call the equipped, He equips the called. What if being sexually abused as a child, making selfish choices, burying a child, delivering a baby 12 weeks early, losing my daddy to cancer, being abused by my husband and watching my marriage crumble into tiny little pieces are all a part of that equipping?

What if each heartache is 100 times more valuable than each counseling course, Bible study and theology class I ever take?

Is it enough that being a survivor of childhood trauma or domestic violence may give me a voice to speak to someone who might not listen to anyone else? Is it enough that standing beside my daddy as he stepped out of this world and into heaven may provide me with a compelling reason for the hope that I have? Is it enough that making the fatal choice of abortion as a teenager or burying a child I never got to hold or standing by as my 2 pound baby struggled for each and every breath may allow me to speak for the unborn with conviction and compassion?

Is it enough to know that my experiences may make me uniquely suited to walk along side someone as they answer the Holy Spirit's call and come to faith in Christ?

Is it enough?

Yes, Lord, yes!

I may not always feel it, but I know in my heart that being used by God makes everything worth it.