Double standards that is.
Realistically, double standards are a fairly expected part of life. Most people have at least one or two do-as-I-say-not-as-I-do's. They aren't nice, but they're there. I'm guilty of them. Most of us are.
There are relatively small double standards... such as "It's ok for grown-ups to cuss, but it isn't ok for kids." Or, "Girls can't wear shorts to school but boys can." They aren't right or fair, but in the grand scheme of things, they're pretty small.
And then there are the big ones... "It's ok for men to have affairs but not their wives." Or, "You have to forgive this person and make things right, but I don't." Or, "It's ok for me to have an abortion because of my circumstances, but it isn't ok for you to do it out of convenience."
Big or small, they're still ugly and fundamentally unfair. And yes, I know, life isn't fair... but, as much as is possible, shouldn't we be striving toward it? As "normal" as double standards may seem to life, should we accept them?
Of course not. A life without double standards is possible.
Sometimes we encounter people we would never imagine would hold others to a standard they wouldn't meet themselves. It's admirable and amazing. People of integrity are few and far between, and when they ask others to consider something or do something, they are taken seriously.
Which makes it all the more staggering when confronted with their inability or unwillingness to live up to the demands they make of others. It's disappointing.
I don't want to be a disappointment.
Do you have any double standards? How do we get rid of them?
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Thursday, May 28, 2009
A Quick Bit of Nothin' Much
Not a whole lot to say today.
Gotta whole lotta not a whole lot to say.
Heh.
At the moment I am sitting around getting paid to do absolutely nothing work-related other than holding a radio. Well, I guess I'm getting paid to blog too, since this is what I'm doing with my time. =)
I worked a 52 hour week last week and it is exhausting. Ask me next week if I'm liking my new, non-vampire schedule because last week wore me out. Doesn't help that I have an ear infection or two and my side still hurts (biopsy came back normal BTW, I forgot to mention that).
And can I just whine for a sec?? If someone is getting paid to watch my kids, why do I have to do what is convenient for them? It isn't like they're watching my kids for free as a favor. I went almost 5 days without seeing my kids except in passing at church because it was "easier" for the baby-sitters to just keep them overnight. Well it isn't easier for me!
This is not going to keep happening. I don't like being a single working mom. It stinks. I miss my kids. I miss being able to be there for them. And I don't have the luxury of working for the school district anymore - it didn't pay the bills. I LOVE my job, but I hate that I have to work whatever hours they give me instead of holding out for the best hours possible. I'm just bummed about it right now.
And I hear the screeches of teenagers signalling that my sit-down time is over. Yay! It doesn't seem right to get paid to do nothing. Hasta for now!
Gotta whole lotta not a whole lot to say.
Heh.
At the moment I am sitting around getting paid to do absolutely nothing work-related other than holding a radio. Well, I guess I'm getting paid to blog too, since this is what I'm doing with my time. =)
I worked a 52 hour week last week and it is exhausting. Ask me next week if I'm liking my new, non-vampire schedule because last week wore me out. Doesn't help that I have an ear infection or two and my side still hurts (biopsy came back normal BTW, I forgot to mention that).
And can I just whine for a sec?? If someone is getting paid to watch my kids, why do I have to do what is convenient for them? It isn't like they're watching my kids for free as a favor. I went almost 5 days without seeing my kids except in passing at church because it was "easier" for the baby-sitters to just keep them overnight. Well it isn't easier for me!
This is not going to keep happening. I don't like being a single working mom. It stinks. I miss my kids. I miss being able to be there for them. And I don't have the luxury of working for the school district anymore - it didn't pay the bills. I LOVE my job, but I hate that I have to work whatever hours they give me instead of holding out for the best hours possible. I'm just bummed about it right now.
And I hear the screeches of teenagers signalling that my sit-down time is over. Yay! It doesn't seem right to get paid to do nothing. Hasta for now!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
People aren't safe.
I have done my best for what seems like my whole life to insulate myself from people. People aren't safe... because people come with emotions - theirs and mine. Emotions always come with a price.
They die, they get busy, they make new friends, they move away, they hurt you... or they just stop caring. In some way, everyone leaves.
That is my experience. People don't stick.
I loved my husband - maybe not enough, maybe not the way I should have, but I did love him. I trusted him as much as I was able, and I don't trust easily or lightly. He betrayed that trust.
So I tell myself, "Don't love, Bethany. Don't care, Bethany. Don't believe anyone loves or cares about you. People aren't safe. People leave."
I hate change. Maybe not so much in circumstances - I seem to be getting used to that - but in relationships? I really hate change. When I love, when I dare trust, I want things to stay that way forever.
I detest "new normal"s and I've had about a dozen of them in the last 3 1/2 years. Each have cost me in love and friendship. Having people in your life comes with a price. There is always a price. I do not like it. I want things to last. But life doesn't work that way, does it? Change is inevitable.
Some people come into my life, and no matter how much I love them, they aren't meant to be a part of it forever. They are there for a season, to meet a need or have a need met. They are a blessing beyond words, but they're only temporary. Something happens to disrupt everything and they go away. And it isn't safe.
I don't want seasonal friends that turn into Sunday acquaintances. I want forever friends, and don't get them. But... why deny a time of blessing because it will come to an end?
Because people aren't safe? Because they leave and things change and friendships fall apart?Seems reasonable to me. Seems logical.
Seems empty.
Maybe it is better to always be alone than to get used to someone being there, only to say good-bye... but maybe, just maybe it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Even if people aren't safe.
And people leave.
They die, they get busy, they make new friends, they move away, they hurt you... or they just stop caring. In some way, everyone leaves.
That is my experience. People don't stick.
People aren't safe.
I loved my husband - maybe not enough, maybe not the way I should have, but I did love him. I trusted him as much as I was able, and I don't trust easily or lightly. He betrayed that trust.
So I tell myself, "Don't love, Bethany. Don't care, Bethany. Don't believe anyone loves or cares about you. People aren't safe. People leave."
Things change
I hate change. Maybe not so much in circumstances - I seem to be getting used to that - but in relationships? I really hate change. When I love, when I dare trust, I want things to stay that way forever.
I detest "new normal"s and I've had about a dozen of them in the last 3 1/2 years. Each have cost me in love and friendship. Having people in your life comes with a price. There is always a price. I do not like it. I want things to last. But life doesn't work that way, does it? Change is inevitable.
Things fall apart.
Some people come into my life, and no matter how much I love them, they aren't meant to be a part of it forever. They are there for a season, to meet a need or have a need met. They are a blessing beyond words, but they're only temporary. Something happens to disrupt everything and they go away. And it isn't safe.
I don't want seasonal friends that turn into Sunday acquaintances. I want forever friends, and don't get them. But... why deny a time of blessing because it will come to an end?
Because people aren't safe? Because they leave and things change and friendships fall apart?Seems reasonable to me. Seems logical.
Seems safe.
Seems empty.
Maybe it is better to always be alone than to get used to someone being there, only to say good-bye... but maybe, just maybe it really is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all. Even if people aren't safe.
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Remember
My generation (and the one that has come after) has largely forgotten the meaning of Memorial Day. To most of us it is nothing more than a three-day weekend on the cusp of summertime.
We live in privileged - and dare I say it? - SPOILED times. For all of the stock market plummets and housing market crashes and talk of recessions and depressions, we live in the most prosperous nation in the world in the most prosperous generation of all time.
Our poverty of today is nothing next to the poverty of the Great Depression that began 80 years ago. Our poverty in this nation is nothing compared to the poverty that can be found in most of the world outside our borders.
What my generation has forgotten is that from the Revolutionary War until today, countless men and women have sacrificed their very LIVES to ensure our prosperity and privilege. We have forgotten that there is a cost to all of our freedoms and that price was paid in blood and loss and the tears of the families that were left behind.
Today, we should remember. Today, I will remember.
We live in privileged - and dare I say it? - SPOILED times. For all of the stock market plummets and housing market crashes and talk of recessions and depressions, we live in the most prosperous nation in the world in the most prosperous generation of all time.
We are blessed.
What my generation has forgotten is that from the Revolutionary War until today, countless men and women have sacrificed their very LIVES to ensure our prosperity and privilege. We have forgotten that there is a cost to all of our freedoms and that price was paid in blood and loss and the tears of the families that were left behind.
Today, we should remember. Today, I will remember.
Sunday, May 17, 2009
1st & 15th - Shadows of Mercy
In this round of 1st and 15th, God lead me to Psalm 57
For weeks, the phrase "shadow of your wings" has been bouncing around in my brain. I finally broke down and looked it up - by the way, I must say that I just LOVE Bible Gateway! It is everything a girl could want in a Bible resource.
There are so many places I could go with this passage; so many things I would love to talk about. But I won't. =)
I just have to say... God "fulfils His purpose for me." Is that cool or what??
I admit it, I worry a lot about purpose. I find myself constantly wondering if I'll ever really figure out what my purpose is, let alone fulfil it.
BUT!
I don't have to worry about fulfilling my purpose, do I? God does that; in and through me. It's His work. His effort. His power. His energy. After all, it's His plan.
What a mercy it is to know that while God is sheltering us from the storms of life, and all the people and things that seek to keep us in our pits, He's working out His plan in our lives.
1 Be merciful to me, O God, be merciful to me,
for in you my soul takes refuge;
in the shadow of your wings I will take refuge,
till the storms of destruction pass by.
2I cry out to God Most High,
to God who fulfills his purpose for me.
3 He will send from heaven and save me;
he will put to shame him who tramples on me. Selah
God will send out his steadfast love and his faithfulness!
4My soul is in the midst of lions;
I lie down amid fiery beasts—the children of man,
whose teeth are spears and arrows,
whose tongues are sharp swords.
5 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!
6They set a net for my steps;
my soul was bowed down.They dug a pit in my way,
but they have fallen into it themselves. Selah
7 My heart is steadfast, O God, my heart is steadfast!
I will sing and make melody!
8 Awake, my glory! Awake, O harp and lyre!
I will awake the dawn!
9I will give thanks to you, O Lord, among the peoples;
I will sing praises to you among the nations.
10For your steadfast love is great to the heavens,
your faithfulness to the clouds.
11 Be exalted, O God, above the heavens!
Let your glory be over all the earth!
For weeks, the phrase "shadow of your wings" has been bouncing around in my brain. I finally broke down and looked it up - by the way, I must say that I just LOVE Bible Gateway! It is everything a girl could want in a Bible resource.
There are so many places I could go with this passage; so many things I would love to talk about. But I won't. =)
I just have to say... God "fulfils His purpose for me." Is that cool or what??
I admit it, I worry a lot about purpose. I find myself constantly wondering if I'll ever really figure out what my purpose is, let alone fulfil it.
BUT!
I don't have to worry about fulfilling my purpose, do I? God does that; in and through me. It's His work. His effort. His power. His energy. After all, it's His plan.
What a mercy it is to know that while God is sheltering us from the storms of life, and all the people and things that seek to keep us in our pits, He's working out His plan in our lives.
Thursday, May 14, 2009
The Giveaway
I know I promised Beth Moore, but I currently have a bug up my butt about a different topic altogether (thank you to Sheryl from The Perch for calling this topic to mind)... and since this is my blog. Deal. =)
One of the most sacred of all practices in Native American culture is the giveaway – a tradition where those who are being honored for some reason (wedding, birthday, award, etc.), or the families of those who are being mourned give gifts rather than receive them.
They believe that sharing with others only confirms how richly you have been blessed - and the more you have, the more you should give away.
Native Americans also believe that when you make something with your hands, a piece of you is carried with it. You are meant to give those pieces of self to others – the first and the best of what you have made being the most important to give away. Because, after all, what is given will always come back to you as good - in one form or another.
Now, before you think I'm getting all pagan on you... please understand that there have been Native American who follow Christ - and who seek to use their traditions to honor Him - for the last 500 years (And throughout history, Christianity has been known to absorb and incorporate other traditions). The two are not mutually exclusive.
Many Native Americans believe that the truth of Jesus Christ is consistent with the message the Creator had already been revealing to their people through creation.
In Romans 1:20 we see that God has revealed Himself from the beginning of time through what was made.
And like the people in Athens in Acts 17:23-27, perhaps the Native Americans were worshipping an Unknown God and were just waiting to hear His name.
And really, isn't the "giveaway" central to Christianity too?
After all, the one who deserves all honor and glory and all the gifts we can lavish on Him has instead given us the greatest gift of all - His own Son.
And, the last half of Luke 12:28 says:
We, who have been given so much, should be giving those blessings away.
Native Americans believe that hoarding your talents, your time and your treasures is one of the most dishonorable things any person can do. By doing so, you cheapen everything you do and your blessings turn to ruin. Christians should believe the same.
Now, back to the giving away of the first and best... as I step off the spiritual pedastal and on to a more personal one (sort of).
I work with Native American teenagers in a culturally-based residential treatment program. A couple Sundays ago I worked late and was actually able to partipate in an art group. During that art group the whole concept of giving things away was explained to me. It was expected that the first thing I made with that group must be given away.
One of the Native staff knew that my pastor was in the hospital and that he is important to me. He suggested that my pastor would be the most appropriate recipient of my first creation. It sounded like a great idea - after all, I was feeling helpless and there was nothing I could do for him other than pray. A creative outlet was just what I needed.
Seemed great... that is, until I finished.
Then I felt foolish. And childish. And silly. I mean, how many grown women (or men) make completely impractical gifts for anyone but their children or perhaps their parents? Especially when said gift is a sentimental trinket of questionable quality?
For 12 days now this gift has sat on my shelf gathering dust because I question its value as a gift - and my value as the giver. I don't want to give it if I can't be sure he'll like it.
Aren't we just like that with the Gospel too?
Sometimes we are so afraid of how the truth of Christ will be received that we fail to share it at all. After all, if our friends and family don't like Him, and don't like hearing about Him, they probably won't like us either. Right?
And maybe, we think, the world doesn't value the Truth. Maybe, we think, we aren't a good enough sculptor of words to share the Word. Maybe, we think, there isn't any part of us that is good enough to give this kind of Gift. By "we" I mean "I".
Oh, the pride and the cowardice. On both counts.
Even now I'm taking the coward's way out - because my pastor reads my blog. He'll read what I wrote, and see the picture, and perhaps he'll have mercy on me and say, "It's great! I love it! Bring it on over." (No Mark, I am NOT asking you to do that, you'll get it or not in my own sweet time thankyouverymuch).
The Native Americans have an answer for this too. It is not the worldly value of the gift or the quality of the workmanship that makes the gift a blessing. It is the spirit in which the gift is given. What matters is our desire to give it away.
If we are too afraid or embarrassed to share the Gospel, perhaps others might think we are afraid and embarrassed OF the Gospel. Wouldn't that be tragic?
One of the most sacred of all practices in Native American culture is the giveaway – a tradition where those who are being honored for some reason (wedding, birthday, award, etc.), or the families of those who are being mourned give gifts rather than receive them.
They believe that sharing with others only confirms how richly you have been blessed - and the more you have, the more you should give away.
Native Americans also believe that when you make something with your hands, a piece of you is carried with it. You are meant to give those pieces of self to others – the first and the best of what you have made being the most important to give away. Because, after all, what is given will always come back to you as good - in one form or another.
Now, before you think I'm getting all pagan on you... please understand that there have been Native American who follow Christ - and who seek to use their traditions to honor Him - for the last 500 years (And throughout history, Christianity has been known to absorb and incorporate other traditions). The two are not mutually exclusive.
Many Native Americans believe that the truth of Jesus Christ is consistent with the message the Creator had already been revealing to their people through creation.
In Romans 1:20 we see that God has revealed Himself from the beginning of time through what was made.
20For since the creation of the world God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse.
And like the people in Athens in Acts 17:23-27, perhaps the Native Americans were worshipping an Unknown God and were just waiting to hear His name.
23For as I walked around and looked carefully at your objects of worship, I even found an altar with this inscription: TO AN UNKNOWN GOD. Now what you
worship as something unknown I am going to proclaim to you.
24"The God who made the world and everything in it is the Lord of heaven and earth and does not live in temples built by hands. 25And he is not served by human hands, as if he needed anything, because he himself gives all men life and breath and everything else. 26From one man he made every nation of men, that they should inhabit the whole earth; and he determined the times set for them and the exact places where they should live. 27God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us. 28'For in him we live and move and have our being...'
And really, isn't the "giveaway" central to Christianity too?
After all, the one who deserves all honor and glory and all the gifts we can lavish on Him has instead given us the greatest gift of all - His own Son.
And, the last half of Luke 12:28 says:
From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.
We, who have been given so much, should be giving those blessings away.
Native Americans believe that hoarding your talents, your time and your treasures is one of the most dishonorable things any person can do. By doing so, you cheapen everything you do and your blessings turn to ruin. Christians should believe the same.
Now, back to the giving away of the first and best... as I step off the spiritual pedastal and on to a more personal one (sort of).
I work with Native American teenagers in a culturally-based residential treatment program. A couple Sundays ago I worked late and was actually able to partipate in an art group. During that art group the whole concept of giving things away was explained to me. It was expected that the first thing I made with that group must be given away.
One of the Native staff knew that my pastor was in the hospital and that he is important to me. He suggested that my pastor would be the most appropriate recipient of my first creation. It sounded like a great idea - after all, I was feeling helpless and there was nothing I could do for him other than pray. A creative outlet was just what I needed.
Seemed great... that is, until I finished.
Then I felt foolish. And childish. And silly. I mean, how many grown women (or men) make completely impractical gifts for anyone but their children or perhaps their parents? Especially when said gift is a sentimental trinket of questionable quality?
For 12 days now this gift has sat on my shelf gathering dust because I question its value as a gift - and my value as the giver. I don't want to give it if I can't be sure he'll like it.
Aren't we just like that with the Gospel too?
Sometimes we are so afraid of how the truth of Christ will be received that we fail to share it at all. After all, if our friends and family don't like Him, and don't like hearing about Him, they probably won't like us either. Right?
And maybe, we think, the world doesn't value the Truth. Maybe, we think, we aren't a good enough sculptor of words to share the Word. Maybe, we think, there isn't any part of us that is good enough to give this kind of Gift. By "we" I mean "I".
Oh, the pride and the cowardice. On both counts.
Even now I'm taking the coward's way out - because my pastor reads my blog. He'll read what I wrote, and see the picture, and perhaps he'll have mercy on me and say, "It's great! I love it! Bring it on over." (No Mark, I am NOT asking you to do that, you'll get it or not in my own sweet time thankyouverymuch).
The Native Americans have an answer for this too. It is not the worldly value of the gift or the quality of the workmanship that makes the gift a blessing. It is the spirit in which the gift is given. What matters is our desire to give it away.
If we are too afraid or embarrassed to share the Gospel, perhaps others might think we are afraid and embarrassed OF the Gospel. Wouldn't that be tragic?
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Random shorts...
No, not those horrible leg-baring articles of clothing that I will NEVER ever wear... just some random tidbits of my not-so-interesting life:
* I only have THREE overnight shifts left to work! I will start swing shift on the 20th. This is such an answer to prayer!
* My kids get out of school in less than a month! Which totally changes the childcare equation. I've never worked full-time during their summer break before. Fun.
* I have finally tabled grad school for the foreseeable future... not without a lot of weeping and gnashing of teeth, but it's time to let it go. I know I'm hard-headed but close enough doors and I will finally get it. Another answer to prayer, though not the answer I was hoping for.
* Sometime when my pastor is better my oldest and youngest children will be baptized! (It was supposed to be in a couple of weeks, but obviously that's not happening). A month or so ago my youngest walked into my pastor's office (while my oldest was talking to him about baptism) and said, "I want to be a Christian!" Does a mama's heart proud.
* Speaking of... my pastor is doing well and is home, though he still has a few weeks of recovery left. More answers to prayer.
* I had a bone marrow aspiration/biopsy today. OUCH. I don't like large needles. Probably nothing. Just a precaution due to some lingering pain and a strong family history of cancer (as in all but one of the people in my family who have died - on both sides - have died from cancer). I'm not expecting anything, but I wouldn't mind some prayer if you can spare it.
The promised (and I'm sure anxiously awaited - HA!) Beth Moore/LPL post is coming soon. As in today or tomorrow. Ta-ta 'til then!
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Desperate Dreamer
How do you know when to let go?
I find myself wondering that a lot lately.
Which dreams are just fantasy and which are the dreams God has placed on your heart in order to fulfill His purposes for your life?
I have a lot of dreams.
Some of them I know are out of reach and that’s ok. It’s nice sometimes to indulge myself in daydreams. They aren’t really deep longings, just fanciful whimsy about life-as-it-could-be. You know; what if a long-lost uncle left me a small fortune? Or what if I won a trip somewhere amazing like Ireland or Australia? Or what if I wrote a book and it hit the best-seller list?
But there are other dreams… things I want desperately, and yet I don’t know if God wants those same things for me.
I’m not ready for another relationship – I may never be ready – but I see marriages that work and I dream. I have my children (and to some extent my mom), but I see extended families that love and I dream. I love where I live and the comforts I enjoy, but I see fellow Christians going on life-changing mission trips and I dream. I have a job I enjoy that pays the bills and gives me confidence, but I see people going back to school and I dream. I am fairly content to live in quiet obscurity, but I see people who have found a voice and a platform and I dream.
How much of my dreaming is wasted?
How much of my time spent dreaming could be better spent living in the real world and accepting life as it is? How much madness and misery am I condemning myself to by wishing for things that aren’t mine to have?
When is it time to let go?
I wish the answers were easier than they have been thus far.
The scriptures say that if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). What an amazing promise! If we give ourselves over to God and delight in His ways, His desires become our desires and His will becomes our will. And then He gives us our dreams – because they are His!
And yet…
I struggle with contentment and with giving my whole self over to God. I struggle with believing that God is enough – that God is the true desire of my heart. So how can I possibly know which dreams come from God’s heart and which come from mine (which is desperately wicked and beyond cure - Jeremiah 17:9)? And how can I ask God to give me my dreams when I haven’t really turned them over to Him? When I haven’t really trusted Him with them?
There’s a dreamer trapped in this pragmatist’s body. Which me is following God and which is the fool?
What deep dreams do you cherish and how has God shown Himself to you in those dreams?
I find myself wondering that a lot lately.
Which dreams are just fantasy and which are the dreams God has placed on your heart in order to fulfill His purposes for your life?
I have a lot of dreams.
Some of them I know are out of reach and that’s ok. It’s nice sometimes to indulge myself in daydreams. They aren’t really deep longings, just fanciful whimsy about life-as-it-could-be. You know; what if a long-lost uncle left me a small fortune? Or what if I won a trip somewhere amazing like Ireland or Australia? Or what if I wrote a book and it hit the best-seller list?
But there are other dreams… things I want desperately, and yet I don’t know if God wants those same things for me.
I’m not ready for another relationship – I may never be ready – but I see marriages that work and I dream. I have my children (and to some extent my mom), but I see extended families that love and I dream. I love where I live and the comforts I enjoy, but I see fellow Christians going on life-changing mission trips and I dream. I have a job I enjoy that pays the bills and gives me confidence, but I see people going back to school and I dream. I am fairly content to live in quiet obscurity, but I see people who have found a voice and a platform and I dream.
How much of my dreaming is wasted?
How much of my time spent dreaming could be better spent living in the real world and accepting life as it is? How much madness and misery am I condemning myself to by wishing for things that aren’t mine to have?
When is it time to let go?
I wish the answers were easier than they have been thus far.
The scriptures say that if you delight yourself in the Lord, He will give you the desires of your heart (Psalm 37:4). What an amazing promise! If we give ourselves over to God and delight in His ways, His desires become our desires and His will becomes our will. And then He gives us our dreams – because they are His!
And yet…
I struggle with contentment and with giving my whole self over to God. I struggle with believing that God is enough – that God is the true desire of my heart. So how can I possibly know which dreams come from God’s heart and which come from mine (which is desperately wicked and beyond cure - Jeremiah 17:9)? And how can I ask God to give me my dreams when I haven’t really turned them over to Him? When I haven’t really trusted Him with them?
There’s a dreamer trapped in this pragmatist’s body. Which me is following God and which is the fool?
What deep dreams do you cherish and how has God shown Himself to you in those dreams?
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