Letters to My First & Last

David,

My beloved gift from God.
You've been one miracle after another since you were born. Since before you were born. My tiny 2 pound baby with such old and wise eyes. Even when I was afraid I wouldn't get to see you grow up, I had so many dreams for you.

Yesterday, one of them came true. It was an honor and a privilege to watch you take those steps into the baptistry and make a public profession of faith. I know you were nervous about all those people watching you, but when the time came, you went boldly. That's who you are. You get nervous, you hang back, but when the time comes, you go boldly.

My prayer for you as you walk this journey of Christian faith is that you continue to go boldly. I also pray that you walk humbly. You have so many gifts that God can use for His Kingdom. Remember the One who gave them to you and honor Him with them. That's all He asks

"And what does the LORD require of you? To act justly and to love mercy and to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8

I love you,
Mom

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sarah,

My little imp.

I love seeing that passionate delight sparkle in your eyes when you've found something you want to give your all to. I love how you commit and don't back down. And today, I love the committment you've made to our Savior.

You've thrown yourself into faith with as much fire and passion and delight as you possibly can, and you keep going. When you ran into Pastor Mark's office after he talked with David and said, "Paster Mark! Pastor Mark! I want to be a Christian too!" I felt my heart leap. When you told me later that you wanted to be baptized so people would know you are a Christian and you could tell them how much He loves them, I thanked God that He gave you to me. When you came home from school to tell me that you'd told one of the classroom bullies that you forgave him and Jesus could forgive him if he wanted, I was blown away.

I've learned so much from you about loving our God. You take the greatest commandment to heart:

"Love the LORD your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your strength." Deuteronomy 6:5

My prayer for you is that your passion never dims. Give Him your everything and people will see Him shining through you.

I am so proud of you,
Mom

Happy Not-My-Father's Day

Pastor Mark,

I know you're not my father.

I loved my Dad very much and he was a good, Godly man. He lived and breathed the Gospel and discipled dozens of young men in the faith. Unfortunately, he never shared that part of himself with me. When I was about 16 years old he started writing the names of the people he witnessed to in the back of his Bible so he could remember to pray for them. There were 87 names there when he died. None of them were mine. To this day, I know almost nothing about his testimony.

There was never a doubt in my mind that my Dad loved me (though he rarely said it) and that he was proud of me. But his pride in what I could do led him to make assumptions about who I was. He never really knew me and I'm not sure he really wanted to.

And even still, saying "good-bye" to him was one of the hardest things I've ever done. To see him suffer... to watch him lose his strength and his brilliant mind... to let him go... to say "it's time to go get your crown in glory," and know that he never took another breath... Hard things.

Eight weeks ago I wondered if God would ask me to say "good-bye" to you too. And I wondered why you had come to matter so much.

Because I know you're not my father,
and I know I have no claim to you.

Except that you've said you're proud of me - of me - not of what I can accomplish but of who I am and who I'm becoming.

Thank you for the gentle reminders and the not-so-gentle rebukes. Thank you for asking for promises and holding me to my word. Thank you for the "FOOP!"s. I thank God for the person He's made you to be.

Even though I know you're not my father, I want you to know, I am proud of you.

I am proud of the man who, in the midst of his own suffering looked to the welfare of his wife, who asked about the health of a sick woman and who dared to ask why he was spared when others were not.

I am proud of the man who grieved over the death of a friend and neighbor; in part because he wasn't strong enough to comfort the family. I am proud of the man who considers it an honor to be there for people during some of their worst moments in life, and who is willing to do so day after day, no matter the hour.

I am proud of the man who considers it a privilege to care about four lost and needy children and their even needier mother. I am proud to call you my pastor.

If I could choose the type of men my sons grow up to be, and the type of men my daughters grow up to marry, they would look a lot like you.

And today...

I know you're not my father, but I am blessed, and better, because I know you and because you've taken the time to know me.

So...

Happy Not-My-Father's Day

Remember

My generation (and the one that has come after) has largely forgotten the meaning of Memorial Day. To most of us it is nothing more than a three-day weekend on the cusp of summertime.

We live in privileged - and dare I say it? - SPOILED times. For all of the stock market plummets and housing market crashes and talk of recessions and depressions, we live in the most prosperous nation in the world in the most prosperous generation of all time.

We are blessed.

Our poverty of today is nothing next to the poverty of the Great Depression that began 80 years ago. Our poverty in this nation is nothing compared to the poverty that can be found in most of the world outside our borders.


What my generation has forgotten is that from the Revolutionary War until today, countless men and women have sacrificed their very LIVES to ensure our prosperity and privilege. We have forgotten that there is a cost to all of our freedoms and that price was paid in blood and loss and the tears of the families that were left behind.


Today, we should remember. Today, I will remember.

Thankful Thursday - Facing the Chaos

I think I'm ready to come back out of blogiverse oblivion, and what better time to do so than a Thursday... and what better post to return with than one of thankfulness? I am learning - thanks to a book that has been very difficult to read - to find blessing in brokeness. I have a lot more to be thankful for than I ever dreamed.

Dear Lord,
Thank You:

• For the mess in my house. It means I have a house to live in and four children to dirty it up.
• For unexpected solutions when I've stopped hoping. You know the plans You have for me, and they are good ones. Help me learn to trust that even the struggles are part of the "best" You have waiting for me.
• For the wonders of the human mind and modern medicine. Even though science has tried to leave You behind, I know You are the author of all good things, including human discovery.
• For being a God who doesn't need me, but who shows me over and over again that You want me.
• For being good to those who hope is in You. You are my portion. (Lamentations 3) Remind me of that - with a 2x4 if necessary - when I forget.
• For friends who have seen the ugliest side of me - and still love me. Thank You for the people You've brought into my life who have been willing to walk with me and get on their knees for me, even though I know it hasn't been easy for them. And thank You for being their comfort in the storm.
• Most of all Lord, thank You for the chaos. Sometimes I wonder if it will ever get better and if the crises will ever stop pouring in. Today I'm thankful for each crisis, because I am alive to face them. Thank You for my life and another day to live it.

Amen

Thankful Thursday: Cash, cars and kidnapping!

I almost forgot!!

Dear Lord,
Thank you for:

• gas at $1.75 per gallon! I never thought I'd see that price at the pumps again!
• children who keep me humble - even if they sometimes also get me in trouble by telling their teacher I am a kidnapper... :::sigh:::
• a friend who had her financial needs met in an unexpected way after she was faithful to tithe. Lord, why are we always so surprised when You work miracles in our lives? Teach me to expect You to do great things!
• teachers who care enough about my children to call home if they come to school without a coat and who offer to help provide one. And thank You that my children go to school without coats because they are stubborn and refuse to wear them, not because they don't have one. A couple months ago that might not have been true.

Lord, You have blessed me and the people I love in so many ways,

AMEN

I don' wanna!

I'm going to be thankful today if it kills me... even if I really don't want to be. Today is THE Thankful Thurday of all Thursdays. Today is the day we are supposed to pause and reflect on our lives and thank God in all things.

Kinda like Angie from Bring the Rain... today, when I should be thanking God in the good and in the bad....

I just DON' WANNA!

I don't feel thankful today, when my children are celebrating with their father, my mom is with her friends and I am essentially home alone to wallow in my pity-party funk.

And it isn't pretty... and I'm tired of funk (it kind of stinks). So I am going to be thankful if it kills me. I am going to be thankful for the things I don't want to thank God for... because it is those things that shape me and make me into the woman God wants me to be.

Dear Lord,

Thank You for my ex-husband. Without him I would never have learned to lean on You. Without him, I would have lived my life fooled into believing that I don't need You to get through each day. Lord, if You hadn't knocked my feet out from beneath me, I never would have learned how to kneel in prayer.

Thank you for the son I buried. Thank You for teaching me about loss and the value of each human life. Without Joshua, I wouldn't have David. Thank You for the tears that fall even now for a son I never got to hold. They have taught me compassion.

Thank You for the financial struggles of the last year. How would I have ever seen You work miracles in my life if I thought I was responsible for our financial security? Thank You for the long months of the unknown and for teaching me that I could survive it.

Thank You for the shame, guilt and hurt that have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. How can I, as a member of the body of Christ, minister to the lost, ashamed and hurting people of this world if had never felt their pain? How could I point them to You as the Redeemer, if I didn't have things that needed redeeming? Thank You for teaching me empathy.

Lord, thank You for each moment of my life when I have sunk into despair, only to have You reach down and lift me up again. Thank You for teaching me that there is nothing too big for my Abba Father; no monster too scary, no past unredeemable, no pain too impossible to heal.

Thank you Lord for being You... and for loving me.

Dear Lord... Thank You

*I don't know who started Thankful Thursdays, or I would credit them.

Dear Lord,
Thank-you for:

• The changing of the seasons, which reminds me that life can't be lived without change, and that change is more good than bad.
• Technology that allows me to connect with people I otherwise wouldn't know, or wouldn't know how to find again.
• A job I enjoy that pays the bills without a lot of extra; so that I don't get so caught up in getting that I forget the One who gave it all to me.
• A church family - no matter how dysfunctional it may be at times.
• A pastor and his wife who are answers to all the prayers I had for my church, and to many prayers I didn't know I had until they came.
• Four children who changed my life; even though I don't always see them as blessings, they truly are.