Kinda like Angie from Bring the Rain... today, when I should be thanking God in the good and in the bad....
I don't feel thankful today, when my children are celebrating with their father, my mom is with her friends and I am essentially home alone to wallow in my pity-party funk.
And it isn't pretty... and I'm tired of funk (it kind of stinks). So I am going to be thankful if it kills me. I am going to be thankful for the things I don't want to thank God for... because it is those things that shape me and make me into the woman God wants me to be.
Dear Lord,
Thank You for my ex-husband. Without him I would never have learned to lean on You. Without him, I would have lived my life fooled into believing that I don't need You to get through each day. Lord, if You hadn't knocked my feet out from beneath me, I never would have learned how to kneel in prayer.
Thank you for the son I buried. Thank You for teaching me about loss and the value of each human life. Without Joshua, I wouldn't have David. Thank You for the tears that fall even now for a son I never got to hold. They have taught me compassion.
Thank You for the financial struggles of the last year. How would I have ever seen You work miracles in my life if I thought I was responsible for our financial security? Thank You for the long months of the unknown and for teaching me that I could survive it.
Thank You for the shame, guilt and hurt that have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. How can I, as a member of the body of Christ, minister to the lost, ashamed and hurting people of this world if had never felt their pain? How could I point them to You as the Redeemer, if I didn't have things that needed redeeming? Thank You for teaching me empathy.
Lord, thank You for each moment of my life when I have sunk into despair, only to have You reach down and lift me up again. Thank You for teaching me that there is nothing too big for my Abba Father; no monster too scary, no past unredeemable, no pain too impossible to heal.
Thank you Lord for being You... and for loving me.
4 comments:
just stopping by real quick. saw your comment on angie's blog and wanted to thank you for your honesty. you said what probably a lot of others were feeling. i plan to stop back and read more. you sound like an amazing person.
~sheryl
Bethany,
Hi Great post, really. Wish we could have known our locations sooner - you would have been welcome for Thanksgiving. One of these days maybe we can go to lunch or something. I once was single mom also however only with one child, but my Mom lived with us because she was on partial disability which was a mixed blessing. She was helpful but too much so at times. Something about "IT's gotta be my way" :) Anyway.
Yes I know where "HappyRock" is :) and have another friend that lives there. So someday when the time is right we can hook up.
Blessings,
Lynn
Bethany, what a heartfelt post.
You have been through so much and I can tell that God is really using the experiences in your life to conform you to the image of His Son...otherwise there'd be no way you could have just posted this letter of thanks.
Praise His Holy Name!
It's encouraging to see how God is working in your life and because of the difficulties that you have endured. Praise Him for being in control!
Xandra
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