Sometimes you have to get sick to get better...

There's nothing like being knocked flat on your rear to make you slow down and listen for a change. Unless you're a stubborn one, like me. Then it might take a week or two... or nine. Heh.

The week before Thanksgiving I started getting sick with what I thought was a simple cold. Couldn't possibly have been anything more serious - I got my flu shot! HA! It was just a simple cold for a week or so, then it got worse.

No, I didn't get the flu. I got pneumonia instead - of the "walking" variety. Umm yeah. I could walk... about ten steps between coughing fits. I was miserable for a long time... still am, although I do finally feel human again.

I was so sick that I threw up and saw sparklies just about every time I coughed and my chest sounded like radio static. My head pounded non-stop in time to my heartbeat and every joint in my body hurt. My chest felt as though an elephant sat on it and I was wearing a bra ten sizes too small for me. I had a fever for so long that when my temperature was "only" 100 degrees I thought I was better.

And of course, when I thought I was better I would go along on my merry way as if all was right with the world.... and then I'd land right back on my rear as bad or worse than I was before I got the harebrained idea that 100 degrees = healthy.

And why was I sick for so long, you wonder?

Well, #1 I hate doctors and don't have health insurance so it took me forever to see someone. #2 I have this niggling suspicion that God was trying to speak to me and I wouldn't slow down or shut up long enough to listen. (I wish I could say I learned my lesson on both parts, but chances are I'll do this again someday).

So, what was God trying to say?

STOP TRYING TO DO *MY* WORK WITHOUT *ME*! And Bethany, stop letting anyone else tell you who you are, including yourself! You are who *I* say you are because you are Mine.

OK God, I get it, or do I?

I've spent a lot of time listening to what other people have had to say about me and, unfortunately, I've only been hearing the negative. I allowed myself to get so wrapped up in all of the lies I was hearing that I walled myself in and walled God out. I was running around like a chicken with my head cut off trying to do things by myself that I was never meant to do alone. I stopped having conversations with God - instead I just checked in once in a while with a "hi God, could you _____ ?" - and I stopped seeking Him through scripture too.

It's a miserable existence.

So God slowed me down, shut me up, and reminded me of who I am and to Whom I should be listening. I'm still working on the lesson, but I'm getting there (and getting better too!).