Grit

Ever had a wound debrided? It's pretty excruciating. That's what my life feels like right now.
Which probably sounds like the same ol' same ol' from me.

Only it isn't.
The things I'm working through right now are pretty excruciating... but I am so grateful I'm finally allowing God to dig out all that grit that has dug in and infected every aspect of my life.

I'm crying a lot - because I'm letting out the grief and hurt that I tried to bury for so long.
I'm raging a lot - because I'm letting out the anger - and hurt - that has lodged itself in my heart.
And you know what? I'm laughing a lot too.

Sometimes it's the desperate laughter of the broken-hearted or the dark laughter of the half-mad. But it's laughter. And it's genuine, which may not seem like much, but for me it's HUGE.

Even when I'm really hurting, there's this I-don't-know-what bubbling up inside me. Even when I'm drained and emotionally exhausted, there's this core feeling that I'm ok. That I'll be ok. Or maybe someday, even better than ok.

Grit.

Abrasive and coarse.
Rough. Painful.
And... courageous.

There's another meaning for the word, and I think I'm choosing that one.
Firm character.
Indomitable spirit.
Courage.
Yup. I like that one.