How can I possibly be jealous??
My soon-to-be-ex-husband cheated and treated me horribly. I have lasting physical and emotional scars. So why does it bother me so much when he makes a point of bringing his new girlfriend over?
You'd think I'd be happy, right?
I mean, for the first time in our almost two year separation he isn't pawing at me and backing me into a corner every time he comes to see the kids. This is a good thing. I was beginning to think I was never going to heal as long as he kept touching me and triggering memories. I should be happy.
And I am... but God help me... it just isn't fair.
I know, I know, life isn't fair. We live in a fallen world and bad things happen to good and bad people alike (hmmm... I may have just written about this!). But I firmly believe that I am not too old to throw a rip-roaring temper tantrum.
Why does he get to move on with his life when I'm still struggling to overcome the effects of our shattered marriage? Why does he get to enjoy a new relationship when I can't even begin to imagine letting any male near me with a ten-foot pole? As if any man would be interested in a 29 yr old divorcee wreck with four kids in tow! Not to mention I don't even want another relationship, I want the marriage I have (had, I guess) to be what God intends marriage to be! Is that too much to ask?
UGH! What is my problem??
Dear Lord,
Help me as I struggle with this jealousy. Help me to be content with the things I have because You have said You will never leave me nor forsake me. May I know in my soul that Your grace is sufficient for me and may I experience Your power made perfect in my weakness.
AMEN.
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