I am so very tired.
I've spent the last month and a half in a rip-roaring pity party. Problem with pity parties though, is that everyone is invited but no one wants to come... and when no one comes, there isn't anyone there to help pick up the mess. It has been a very lonely past few weeks and I am exhausted - body, mind and spirit - with carrying all of this weight alone.
And feeling stupid because I don't have to. I know what I need to do, but I've gotten myself so wrapped up in self-loathing that I won't do it because I don't deserve to feel any comfort or peace.
Yes, God can take this away from me. He has in the past. I know He can do an amazing and wonderful work in my life. I know this. But I won't let Him.
Why is that? What kind of Christian am I? What is wrong with me??
And so it begins again. I can't win for losing.
1 comment:
You are human kind of Christian, that's what kind. The kind that makes mistakes and falls away, but longs to be renewed and forgiven by a Father who is faithful to do these things.
Xandra
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