The story of my life is right there in that title. I have all sorts of plans for my life and I run along on my merry way expecting things to work out exactly as I have planned them - only I have also left God out of the equation. Then, as Lisa said, He throws a wrench in the gears... and life comes to a screeching halt.
*note: its taken me over a week to finish this. Tough one.
1. I am going to present to you a little acrostic to begin our discussion today. What is your latest NLIP? (Not Like I Planned?)
Hmm... there have been many. I suppose the most recent has been my job situation. As I've said in an earlier post, I enjoy my work very much, but it has left me feeling restless. I made all these plans to find a job that better suited my vocational goals after my graduation in December. I filled out a dozen applications and was certain that I'd be hired. My family's financial needs also played a part. My ex wasn't (still isn't) paying child support and I wasn't able to pay my bills. I was quickly approaching real financial trouble and *I* was going to figure a way out of it. Ha! I'm still in the same job, and my financial needs were met (almost to the penny) by a raise due to a contract renegotiation. I also discovered that God had placed me there for such a time as this.
2. How did you react to your NLIP? Are you still upset about it? Happy about it? Baffled by it? Explain.
I was pretty panicked over it actually... and very discouraged. I'm not upset about it now, but I still feel restless. I am still impatient for what God has planned for me. And no, I am NOT going to pray for patience. =)
3. Have you ever attempted to step into an area of ministry and found your desire rejected? Did this cause you to question God and yourself? Perhaps distrust what you perceived to be your calling?
I've received a LOT of opposition in my current position at church because of my "family situation." People have judged me and my circumstances without ever asking for my side of the story. Almost everyone, even close friends, told me I couldn't handle the position. Very discouraging, but God put this ministry in my heart and I will serve Him in it until HE moves me elsewhere.
Then there's this lifetime calling... my best friend in the world, who I just assumed would be supportive, really hasn't been. However, my doubts aren't from without but from within. I am my own worst enemy... with a little bit of help from another "enemy" as well.
4. Do you harbor any bitterness towards any individual or situation which you believe waylaid your best laid plans?
Hmm... sometimes. I know that sounds disingenuous but I don't know how to explain it. There are moments when I am overwhelmed by bitterness... but they don't last long, and I'm not even sure they're coming from me (does that make sense?).
I still struggle with bitterness/anger toward my ex. The hurt there is so deep and so ugly... and it is so hard to heal because, well... when you have a wound and you keep picking at it, it never does heal, does it?
Mostly I blame myself. I have the scars to prove it.
5. Have you had a life experience or trial that left you with a shaken faith because it ended in an NLIP? Please share if you feel free.
Oh boy have I ever. I never wanted my marriage to fall apart. I never wanted to be labeled a "battered woman." I never wanted to be a single mom to four children with hurts I can't fix; hurts I should have prevented. I could list a thousand things about my life over the last decade that didn't turn out as planned. And yes, I lost faith because of it. God is gracious though, and faithful, even when we aren't. Now, my faith is stronger for it. Would I go back and undo it all? I don't know.
5. Based on Moses' response of faith to his own rejection, how will you re-evaluate your own experiences or look at future ones differently if a NLIP presents itself?
Hmm... Something to think on. Not something I have an answer for yet.
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