So... I've started and then deleted about a dozen posts over the last week or so. They were either more personal than I wanted to get or more petty than I had any business being... and I've been whining so much lately I can't stand myself.
And somewhere along the line I stopped talking to God. I can be stubborn to the point of stupid sometimes.
Take my plumbing problem(s):
It started out as a minor problem - my bathtub spigot was dripping. I've fixed problems like this before. No big deal. A couple cheap-o parts, a screwdriver and pair of channel lock pliers (like a wrench). Easy-peasy. Don't need any help.
Until, of course, I snapped off the entire thing. As in, mangled copper piping, replacing PIPES, not just parts. From there, the problems just got worse. But I can handle it. I don't need help.
***Let me pause for a moment to say that it is very important to me to try to fix things on my own. I've had an ex-husband tell me I was lazy and worthless and incompetent... and when he found out about this particular problem he tried to rush in and be the hero because I "can't handle something like this." Ahem. Being capable is a significant part of combating those messages. That said...***
I don't know if I can fix it - I think I can do the work, once I figure out how... but now that I've told the pastor and deacon (while hiding tears) that I needed to do it myself, I'm too stubborn to ask anyone how.
And wouldn't you know it... my spiritual struggles work much the same way. Something happens. It's minor. Easy peasy. I can fix it.
Only I can't.
And something SNAPS (usually me).
And I still insist that I can fix it... because I really really want to be able to do it on my own. And when things pile up and I finally admit to myself that I need help, I've dug myself a hole so deep I'm too ashamed to ask anyone - including God - to help me out of it.
Smart, huh?
Hmm... Do you think the Master Carpenter is a Master Plumber too?
5 comments:
wow i hear your struggle. i am trying to "give up" quicker these days and just let God take over. but, it's not easy!
seriously...what are we thinking when we wait even a moment to ask God to intervene?? don't you wonder if He shakes His head.
We will take this as a cry for help and send someone to work on it "with you" if you would like. Maybe we can just tell you what to do and let you get dirty and wet and we will supervise. I'm good at that you know! Can I call Dave now?
Looks like the Master Plumber just sent you his apprentice. :)
God can totally use other people to help us. I've been there too only wanting to do it myself.
Generally when I need to do something around the house I'm too suborn to ask somehow how to do it (I'm a man... we supposedly know everything already!)
But I've discovered if I google long enough I'll find the answer.
Similarly, if I struggle with something in my soul I've discovered that if I search the bible long enough I'll find the answers.
But somehow in both cases, it's so much more rewarding in the end to ask someone for help.
An arm or a leg ceases to be that if it's separated from the body. It simply becomes that bloody thing sitting on the table.
Likewise, you won't function separate from the body of Christ. And as the body works to heal itself, Christ's body will do the same for you.
Just happened upon your blog!
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