Have you ever been afraid to get your hopes up?
The end of the school year, and thus the end of my temporary employment, is rapidly approaching. I hate the uncertainty and insecurity of unemployment, but even more than that, I H-A-T-E job hunting - the cover letters, the applications, the resumes, the interviews. Talking myself up is about as comfortable as walking naked through a field of stinging nettles.
I recently applied and interviewed for a position I really really want. The interview went well (I think) and for the first time in memory, I was at ease. Everything about the position seems to perfectly fit my needs - benefits, salary, hours, type of work. Just perfect.
Too perfect? Sunny optimism always seems to blow up in my face. :::sigh::: I sound cynical.
I have to admit, I'm afraid to ask God for this. If it isn't His will, the answer will be "no," and I'll feel frustrated and ashamed to have - yet again - hoped and prayed for something God did not want for me. And I'll be disappointed.
I have made a concerted effort over the last year or so to pray for God's will rather than what I want - but I want this. I really really want this. And yes, I know, I already said that. And yes, I also know He already knows how much I want this...
I am afraid to hope for this. I've had lots of wonderful and amazing ideas about what would work best for me over the years. Things never quite turn out how I want them to.
Some small voice inside me is saying, "you're going your own way again" and "your plans are never what's best for you." But where is that voice coming from? And then I think, "when did you stop believing that God wants good things for you?"
I hate the gimme!gimme! name-it-and-claim-it theology so popular in today's Churches. I don't want to be one of those people. But I also don't want to be one of those people who believes God only gives other people their righteous desires. Where is the line?
4 comments:
Hey! Thanks for visiting my blog! Isnt it hard to trust God with the BIG things sometimes? We know He has never let us down, yet we continue to try to 'help Him out' or wonder if HE knows the plan. We all do it at times (me more than others ;-) Wont it be awesome to look back at how He blessed your family and how faithful He was during this time of not knowing........
Bethany,
Thank you for visiting my blog. Wow, this post sounds just like me! I do the same thing! I think it's ok to tell God that you want this job, but that you pray His will! I just tell Him that this is what I want, but that He knows best and if it's His will, then please let me get that job, but if it's not His will then please close all those doors so that I'll know it's not His will.
I'll be praying for your job hunting!
Blessings
Michelle
Bethany,
I saw your comment on Michelle V's blog, and thought I would come visit.
Girl, you are not doing name it and claim it, you are standing on your faith that God brought this job to you. Remember that God is concerned about every area of your life.
I will be praying that God will give you peace and patience to wait upon Him.
Bethany,
You have been on my mind this eve. I know that you are hoping for this job. Trust God sounds used and worn out, but it's so true, remember what Hope is, believing in things yet unseen. God knows what's up and what's not.
I forgot to tell you earlier, how awesome your testimony is. Your scars are testimonies in and of themselves. God will use them, cutters know one another. And when one sees your scars, and the joy that shines from you, they are going to ask.
You humble me that you have survived what you have with your love of God bigger and stronger than ever.
In Him,
Sallye
Post a Comment