Pick up that Snake! (Don't run from it)

Moses had tried to help the Israelites once to which they ridiculed him with the
response, 'who made you ruler and judge over us?' How do you recover from
that? Most of us would do exactly what Moses did. Run. Hide. Shove it down
and pretend it never happened. The problem is, whatever your 'it' is will
revisit you. It is only a matter of when.

I knew this lesson would hit home the minute I read the above. If I have learned anything over the last few years it is that the more I try to run from things, the more God puts those things back into my path until I deal with them. And the farther I run, the more ammunition I give to the enemy. And then there's this:

Girls, there is only so much time we need to spend dwelling on our past
failures, shames, and heartaches. The God who allows despair has also ordained a
deliverance.

::::sigh:::: And this:

There comes a time when it is necessary to overcome our
fear, stop wallowing in misery, and embrace the experiences of our lives for
what they are - a tool for the wonders of God. Why? 'So they will believe God
appeared to you'.

Message sent. Message received. Message absorbed this time? I hope so. This particular 2x4 is getting a bit painful in the application.

1. Have you ever been in a situation where you had to 'go back' to a place of shame or ridicule? How did that make you feel?

Ashamed. Ridiculed. (I know, I know, obvious answers) And this horrible, heart-deep despair that, on occasion, drove me to try to atone in my own, incredibly faulty way (see here).

There are things I thought I would never - and could never - face that I have been forced to go back to again and again until I could see them through God's eyes. Praise God His eyes are so much more merciful than my own! When I saw the unforgiveable and unredeemable, God saw the transformation of ashes into beauty.

2. Is there any circumstance in your life that still has you running for cover? Share if you feel comfortable.

Depends on the day, and how much leaway I've allowed Satan to have in accusing me. Right now, my marital history has me skittish - the abuse, the divorce, all of the mistakes... it's such lovely fodder for self-flaggelation. And because I'm in the process of applying for grad school, the matter comes up... and it comes up at church all too frequently as well. I still don't know how to face this one.

3. When is the last time you felt like an overcomer?

It has been 8 months and 21 days since the last time I cut myself - long enough that it is no longer a tear-filled battle to choose a different way to cope. In this, at least, I can say without hesitation that God has made me an overcomer. Praise Him!

4. If you have not yet taken the serpent by the tail, are you willing to stop running, take hold and trust God to transform it into a tool for wonders?

I don't know what to do about the marriage/divorce thing. I don't know how to pick up this particular snake. Do I address the gossipers? Do I step down from all ministry roles? Despite the abuse and the unfaithfulness and the misery, am I in the wrong? I know I just need to trust God to work this one out in His way... but the potential, no matter how small and unlikely, that God's way may mean going back to my ex has me absolutely terrified. Shaking-crying-being-woke-up-by-nightmares terrified. Yes, I know, this snake has way too much power over me. Working on it... sort of.

5. I would like for you to write down this statement based on 1 John 2:14 somewhere you will see it often this week: "I am strong, the Word of God abides in me, and I have overcome the evil one." Memorize it. Say it over and over until you believe it. Will you do this?? Most of the time, there are no right or wrong answers, but on this one, I'm expecting a 'yes'!

Yes ma'am. I even put it on a marquee as my screen saver. Happy? =)