Still Wrestling...

Forgiveness is a pretty huge "thing" isn't it? Do we ever stop wrestling with it?

So... it is pretty clear to me that I can't "forgive and forget," at least not the big stuff. No matter how hole-y (not to be mistaken with holy) my memory can get, I just can't make it :::poof::: and disappear. Is that wrong?

No. I don't think so.

Forgiveness is so much bigger than simply forgetting. It is also bigger than just sweeping things under the carpet. And you know what else?

Forgiveness is NOT absolution.

I think that is where I have found myself tripped up lately. I was convinced I hadn't really forgiven my husband because I was unwilling to free him from blame for what he did to me and to our family. I thought that my inability to say, "don't worry about it, it's no big deal, it's ok" meant I was unforgiving.

But it didn't. It doesn't.

When God forgives us, He doesn't say, "it's ok. It's no big deal." Because it isn't ok. It IS a big deal, and while we shouldn't wallow in guilt for the rest of our lives, we should never, EVER stop regretting our sin or feeling responsible for it.

God's forgiveness isn't a Get Out of Jail Free card... because it wasn't free. We can't ever forget that our sin doesn't just go away when we repent. Our sin nailed Jesus' hands and feet to the cross. Our sin cost the Sinless One His life. We don't have to do anything to earn it, but Someone had to pay for it.

So what does that mean for human forgiveness?

I'm still working out those details... but for me, I think it means that I have to acknowledge that the other person has hurt me and acknowledge everything that pain has cost me. And then say, "it isn't ok, and I hold you responsible, and I don't know that I can ever trust you, but I'm going to willingly give up my right to punish you."

"Right." Exactly.

When someone harms you, you have the right to prosecute them to the fullest extent of the law - in spiritual as well as secular courts. When you forgive, you hand that right to demand spiritual punishment over to Justice and let Him sort it out. No one can take that right from you, or demand you give it up. It must come from a completely willing heart.

And once that is done, you've forgiven. You don't have to leave your doors unlocked for a thief, you don't have to believe every word of a liar, and you don't have to put your body back in the hands of an abuser.

I don't have to put my body back in the hands of an abuser in order to say "I forgive you." However, I might have to consider changing a ringtone or two. =)