Fetus Friday ~ The Ride of Your Life

The first and most important thing a mom needs to know is that life with children NEVER goes "as planned." For many of us, myself included, that starts at conception.

Roomie ~ I have been praying about writing this since I first heard about Fetus Fridays because I wish someone had told me these things before my oldest was born. I chickened out last week and just wrote about diapers because I don't know your exact situation and didn't want to add any more hurt to your life.

But I don't need to know your situation to share some of my experiences and the work God has done in my heart over the last 9 1/2 years of motherhood.

Pregnancy (and motherhood), when there are emotional complications can feel like a roller coaster ride. One minute you're feeling that precious life move inside you and you're so awed by the miracle of it that your heart bubbles over with joy. The next moment you are crying your eyes out with guilt for wishing, even for a moment, that things were different. And a few moments after that you are overcome with fear that someone as "screwed up as you" is about to be responsible for a brand new person.

Yes, I know that all pregnancies are roller coasters, but they're especially wild when circumstances are not all that we would wish them to be.

You're going to wonder whether or not you are fit to be a parent - every mom does. And frankly, no one can prepare for parenting. The books, the classes, the websites, they're nice, but the second that baby is in your arms the rules fly out the window. God, and God alone, can prepare you to be the mother your child needs you to be. And He will, if you ask Him.

You may worry about what you'll say to your little one when he starts asking the tough questions about where he came from. He will ask them. And it will hurt. But he isn't going to need a complicated answer. All he really wants to know is that you love him, you want him, and you thank God for him every day. And that the reality of how he came into being isn't what defines him.

Because we both know that the baby boy growing inside you isn't a mistake or a consequence. He is an unexpected miracle.

And here's where things get tough - the words I really wish someone had said to me.

There might come a day when you are tempted to resent everything you lost because you became a mother instead. There might come a day when you look at your son and resent him. The line between regret and resentment is thinner than you can possibly imagine. The only way you can avoid crossing it is by acknowledging it.

Allow yourself to grieve for the other life that would have been - for the woman you were before life got bumpy and things changed forever. Allow yourself to mourn the hopes and dreams you've likely carried since childhood about becoming a mother for the first time. You'd be surprised the places those things come up - the delivery room, the grocery store, the doctor's office. Cry it out until there are no tears left, then let it go.

We have an Enemy who will take every regret and every wish for something different and turn it into an accusation. Ignore him. He will try to turn every beautiful, amazing thing about motherhood into ashes and keep you in mourning forever. Don't let him. He will try to rob you of your joy and your child of the mother he deserves. Stop him.

Pray every day. Thank God every day. Thank Him for the endless stream of diapers. Thank Him for the sleepless nights. Thank Him for the first steps, the first words, the skinned knees, the first day of school, the childish crushes, the muddy carpets, the spaghetti-kisses, the worms in the bed. Thank Him for everything about this precious boy you've been given.

Because I promise you, no matter what your life could have been, there is nothing that can compare to the life you have ahead of you. Welcome to the ride of your life.