I mentioned a meltdown - let me tell you right now that I was completely debilitated by terror. I cannot even begin to describe how difficult it was to even go in to the arena and sit down. And I don't know what scared me most - being completely alone and having no one to talk to or being surrounded by people who might want to talk to me.
No. Most assuredly NOT fun.
But a deliberate, purposeful and NECESSARY act of God? Absolutely. After all, I am an heir of God; my life is not left to chance.
It was a CHOICE encounter.
I could have sworn Beth's message was meant for me - despite everything (which I may or may not get into later) it was no mistake or accident that I was in San Antonio to hear God speak through Beth Moore.
Those spiritual 2x4s were swinging left and right and every single one of them hit their mark. But that phrase above...
I swear, it was like a punch to the gut. Beth said that and I literally gasped as though the wind had been knocked out of me.
Because, in a way it had.
I walk around every single day of my life wrapped up in insecurity. Is that anyway for an heiress to live?
No it isn't.
And through the words of a beautiful and dynamic spiritual POWERHOUSE, God told me He's had enough. Time to claim my inheritance.
Ouch. My head is still ringing.
15 comments:
This is my favorite of all the "fiesta" blogs I've read so far. It's one thing to just have fun...quite another to truly come away changed. I don't know everything that happened while you were there, but I can tell you that I've come home from many Christian women's events in frustrated tears.--I just don't always seem to fit. :) Maybe it's just my introverted personality, I don't know. BUT I believe that God really uses Beth Moore, and I'm so glad He spoke to you through her. I'm sorry for your hard weekend, but thrilled that you still encountered God. That's what it's all about!
Amy
Ok - so, are you suprised? I couldn't wait until this evening. Work can wait for a minute.
I've done the conference by myself thing before. Traveling to another city, etc... it's hard. And it's when I've been spoken to most profoundly. You had a date weekend with Jesus... and He showed up.
Thank you for sharing from your heart. And I look forward to getting to know you better.
~Donna
Girl,
I am so proud of you!! Thank you so much for putting it back in prospective. It wasn't about the people we met, or the things we did. It was all about what we heard and how we react to it. God is really working in your life and using you to remind others me esp..to stop and think about what God is telling us, and where He is wanting to move us.
I still swear you have the most b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l face I have ever seen, and I was so glad to get to hug your neck and talk to you. When you get tired of working on that purse, I will be glad to take it off your hands.
Love ya my beautiful co-heiress,
Sallye
Bethany,
I wish we could have met up there! I didn't get to see you or Sallye and I so wanted to meet you both!
A lot of things Beth said this weekend were whacking me upside my head! God gave both of us a Word this weekend!
Blessings
Michelle
Thanks for sharing your heart. It was a special time to hear from God for me also. I ended up in a lupus flair and the only thing I was able to do was go from the hotel bed to the arena. We had to leave as soon as Beth was through speaking Saturday. For me I saw it as God wanting me to spend time with him and him alone.. My Mom and my Pastor's wife was with me and felt the same way.( Or they were just trying to make me feel better)HaHa.
Have a Blessed Week
Cassie
Girl I am gonna say a prayer for you right now, because there is nothing more special than you hearing that word from God (and YOU did, you really heard it), And you'll find satan will never work harder to steal it away. So I just ask in Jesus name that you seal this word in Bethany's heart. And love her and lead her to a place where only the two of you can find each other.
Your post is honest and heartfelt and a beautiful testimony to God's wonderful, mysterious work! I am so glad that you went, sorry that it was not fun, but understanding having been on the receiving end of some things that He has had to hit me in the head with as well. My time there, although it was sweet and comfortable, it was also not fun. God has things for me to learn as a result of the time in San Antonio and even though my heart breaks over parts of what I am learning, I would never trade any of it if it makes me more like Him. He is doing the same for you and I look forward to reading more of your journey.
On a totally ridiculous note, I got the biggest, hugest pimple EVER on Friday and felt so insecure that I could barely think sometimes. I know that is crazy, but the thing was getting so big it almost knocked my glasses off my face. LOL! The friend I was with took every opportunity to remind me to be secure and leave the ugly thing alone. I know it doesn't compare, but I hope you smile.
Prayers! Liz
This is a very real post. I think you are amazing, going there and facing your fears! God is so good to always be with us and meet us even/especially in our weakest moments.
I am glad you had an encounter with Him, and judging from these comments, you also had good encounters with other women of God, too. :)
Nice to meet you!
Sonya
I am usually such an open book, but I pulled back on my desire to put how everything really was for me. Your honesty in this post has challenged me to be real about how the event was for me.
I will prayerfully considering posting about it.
thanks
R <><
I am so glad that you came! I love your metaphor of the spiritual 2x4's swinging at us...what a perfect description. God touched so many people this weekend through Beth and through the ministering of other women.
BTW...you have BEAUTIFUL children!!!
Xandra
Oh, how I wish I truely hugged your neck at the PJ party so much more but knew you were in pain from the shingles. I so struggle with insecurities about everything in my life. I matter and YOU matter and as the message said you are an heiress of God and always have been! The enemy needs to be reminded by you that you are special and beautiful in God's eyes and in your fellow siesta's eyes too.
Bethany, thank you for your comment and for the precious post you left here. I am with you ! Do you know with my personality I appear to have things together, but in the heart of me I was so super unsecure this weekend. I learned a lot and met friends i will carry with me for a very very long time, but I always feel insignificant when I leave conferences like this. I am battling through this time and I know the Lord will honor this decision He doesn't desire for me to feel less special in the midst of an environment speaking into our eternal heritage. I love you so and I'm so glad you got my gift. Don't you know It is a treasure to me you will plant those seeds and watch how many seeds you will reap as the flowers fade and dry out. You almost can't kill sunflowers... if your summer is short plant them indoors 5 weeks before the last frost and then transfer them into your garden. Watch them bloom... love you
Tiffany For His Glory
Wow- What an awesome word. I don't even remember her saying that, but that is EXACTLY what I needed to hear today!! I am so glad to know that you did come in & stayed and heard the Word had for you thru Beth this weekend. And Thank you for recap-ing it, because that Word was meant for me today!
Blessings my dear Siesta!
Groovewoman:D
Hi again-
Thanks for the comment! You're so right about realizing we don't know anything. I tell God over and over again how to fix something, and then when He does something different that works out better I say, "Hm, well, that way worked, too..." :)
Bethany I am blown away by your post. Your authenticity is so refreshing. Oh that you and God draw so close and may you share that experience as well.
bless you girl,
tammy
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